calculated insanity

oh no

oh no oh no oh noooooo

regrets and silly things as such…

i know it was my fault…

i was the one who burned the bridge… i don’t even know or even cared what you would feel then…

or if you ever felt anything from that…

but right now… this very moment… i wish we still have a connection.

because right now… if there’s anybody who would understand, it would’ve been you…

it would’ve been nice if we drive could around like when you gave me a ride that day and talk about silly things like me being gullible to everything you say.

or simply talking to you would suffice.

over chat or text.

i wish you’d read this.

i wish we have another chance.

one time bigtime: a tell all on what you missed last saturday

if you don’t see me at my station tomorrow, this is why. 

i don’t know if you heard, but, last saturday, i resigned from my former office in qc. it wasn’t a rash decision, it wasn’t on a whim and i didn’t do it just because.

see, this past few weeks had been a whirlwind for me.

before i took the job in qc, i gave out my resume to around 30 companies. i wasn’t exactly sure then where i want to be. all i was thinking is that, if they have an opening and their offer is good and i know how to get to their office, then i would take it. 

some called, some did not. some offered, some turned me down and alas, the qc office offered me a job and i accepted. 

you can say that i was pressured at home to get a job. everyone in my family are working and they sort of want me to do the same. it’s just one of the many reasons why i took the offer. believe me, i have lots. 

while i was working in qc, some other companies have called. i turned them all down because , well, i’m already occupied. -though most of them are call centers,what the heyyyy???-

but, like they always say, opportunity knocks only once. seize it as it comes.

two weeks ago, a company from makati called me up, asking me if i’m interested in working for them as a designer. i remember them because their name is a bit odd but i know they didn’t have an opening back when i walked into their office. at first i told them i was occupied already and they said okay.

but at the back of my head, i knew it wasn’t something i should just let go that easily. when i got home that evening, i did a background check on them and, voila, a voice in my head said, CALL THEM TOMORROW!

so i did. i went there for an interview and i knew, if they offer me a job, if they want me to work for them, i really need to think about it. 

i waited for their call when they said they would, but they didn’t. i said to myself then if they wouldn’t call last thursday, i am not meant to work for them and where i was is where i am supposed to be. if you saw me last week looking a bit dejected, now you know why.

but they did call. and the offer was somehow hard to resist. 

don’t tell me i didn’t think about it because i did. i know that not everyone has the same situation as i am, and i know how lucky i am to to have a job right now while others don’t have. 

but, i also need to be practical and i know an opportunity when i see one. i don’t want to wake up one morning and slap my face for not seizing that chance. 

and so last saturday, i resigned from the qc office and they let me go that same day.

i’m not asking you to understand why i left my job for another. we have different priorities in life. if you hate me for it, its okay, whatever. if you raise your glass for me, thanks, drinks on me… next time. :> 

so yeah, that’s just about it. i’m not saying this to brag but just do you know the whole story and not make up something from what you heard and judge me.

frankly, i don’t really care. hahaha.

but seriously, this is a ‘just so you know’.

if you still don’t get it, fine, suit yourself. 

:D cheers. 

to UP with love

right now, i’m packing my bags for tomorrow i’ll be starting my first job. its not an office job, it may even be temporary, but for now i know it will suffice. last thursday marked the end of my thesis year, ergo ending my stay in UP as an undergraduate student. it was a sigh of relief laced with nostalgia. i was both happy and sad. happy to finally finish college and sad to know there’s no more next semester. i know a lot of people tell me its sad for now but earning money will be even better than going to school,but can you just let me be emo for like, two seconds? hehehe…  blame sir nic for making me sappy like this. hahahaha, his thank you note was touching. see, UP had always been a dream of mine.  

as a little girl i think i was the only one in my class who wants to go to UP so bad at that early age. there’s something about that school that invites me in (well maybe the lack of uniforms did the trick). i did everything to get in. i tried my luck into getting in pisay and quesai but failed. i used one summer to review for upcat and the hard work paid off. i got into UP arki and for 6 years i was living the dream. it was not easy though. i crawled my way with math, physics and structural subjects. i went through the third year of hell and i had to extend my stay because of back subjects. i would admit, i will not miss going to math 11, 14, 53 and 54 at 7am in the morning, physics 71 and 72 at 10 am nor attending arch 26, 27, 171, 172 until the college had to chase us out of our building because its already 9 pm. maybe i’ll miss 173 but thats a different case. :D but, i would miss a lot of things. the lectures that sparked my interest, the discussions that made me think, the field trips with a lot of stories, the libraries that are better than lullabies in making me sleep, the readings (especially in psych 101, not socio 10) that are fun to read, the quirky, far-from-arki subjects like cw10 and fa30 and of course, the professors (not all, just a handful). i will miss walking along the academic oval while the acacia trees are shedding their leaves during the summer and riding the jeep to school and admire the greenery (especially during july, not during summer). college was not just a passage that i had to go through. no, college is so much more than that. sure, i never really partied (last night was my first “party”, i’m a bit hesitant to do that again. EVER.) or gone out much but i still had fun. clean fun. hahahaha i had the time of my life. so to college and to UP, that you for taking good care of me. i will always keep our memories together in my heart of hearts. I’ll promise to come back and teach. that’s my new dream to chase.